Dear Alexa and Katie...

A letter from Yandrick Agius on restructuring your life to find happiness. Do you have a story you’d like to share for a blog post? Write to us at the98percentpod@gmail.com or use the Contact Us page!

Dear Alexa and Katie,

Hello. My name is Yandrick and I discovered your podcast by chance a few weeks ago following a friend’s tweet. Your podcast has steadily become a personal favourite and I have been binging on episodes. One of my greatest pleasures is listening to actors giving interviews and talking about the profession, so The 98% has really fit the bill for me. Through listening to the episodes, I feel very funnily invested in you two lovely, strong and wonderful women (and Sir Tom, obviously). I’d like to congratulate the both of you on creating such a wonderful podcast which serves as a safe space for actors.

Your podcast has helped in many ways and I’d like to explain why. I’m a 21 year old student from Malta and 98% of our population is made of muggles/non-actors. A very roughly estimated 2% (which again seems somewhat grand for our small community) makes up the local actors. Like most places, acting is not really seen as a full-time profession, nor completely respected as one and to add insult to injury, there isn’t even the possibility for professional vocational training for acting. I’ve been in love with acting since the age of 11, when the drama teacher at my school walked into our classes and asked us if we’d like to give up our midday breaks for drama lessons. I was one of the few who was daft enough to go for it and I immediately fell head over heels in love. I kept up acting during my years at secondary school and mid-way, I discovered I could actually sing pretty decently and I fell in love again, this time with the world of musical theatre. For some time, it was my dream to study musical theatre at drama school in the UK however I side-tracked my plans because life got in the way, teenage years happened and my focus shifted. At the age of 18, I decided against going to drama school and I enrolled for a Bachelor of Laws at university because I wanted to pursue that career path. It was at this point that I decided to put theatre in the back seat and focus on academic extra-curricular activities and committees.

Mid-way through my second year of university, I had a breakdown, I had just gotten out of a relationship and I realised I was really missing performing. I jumped from one production to another to distract myself from how miserable I was. I really messed around with my academics and risked so many exams and assessments, I still don’t know how I did it. I quickly realised university was steadily killing my enthusiasm and that I couldn’t see myself living without some kind of theatre in my life. I kept myself busy with shows and I eventually decided to get back into classes for acting, singing and dancing. I was too late and most definitely not prepared enough to audition for the next year, so I decided that I would audition for drama school during my fourth and final year of university, alongside my finals and my dissertation. A year before my auditions, I set my priorities straight. I stopped taking part in shows and dragged myself to every single class I could find on the island. I also decided to put my social life on the back burner in order to be able to balance my academics alongside my training. I even added music theory and piano lessons to the mix, because one of the schools I wanted to audition for was a conservatoire. I was also working almost full-time days teaching English to foreign teenagers in the summer to save up for auditions and rushing to classes in the evening. This time in my life was really difficult. I was really giving myself a hard time and the majority of my friends couldn’t understand what I was doing or why. I turned down many nights out to stay in and get work done and I can recall many nights alone, with some tearful stress-induced breakdowns of loneliness along the way. Nothing could have prepared me for it, I really struggled with my mental health and I didn’t know to deal with it. It came to a point where one of my drama teachers calmly called me out on it during a session and encouraged me to seek the assistance of the in-house counsellor. That was a really tough pill for me to swallow at the time, to admit that everything was not okay and that I needed help. I managed to gain a lot of perspective and self awareness from this and in hindsight it was great life experience to add to my catalogue of experiences to drawn on for my acting!

As my fourth year of university started, so did my intensive audition prep and the sacrifices certainly didn’t stop. Luckily, I had learnt to deal with myself a bit better but it was still no easy feat. No one around me ever really understood what I was doing, because 98% of the population just don’t get it in the first place. Whilst I was better equipped and self-aware of my emotions, it still involved many lonely nights working away, whilst my friends were out enjoying themselves or worse, getting a head start on their studies or dissertation - whilst I would be trying to do as much as I possibly could and being exhausted at 11pm but dragging myself down to the piano to practice my audition pieces.

Auditioning was an experience, with the usual madness of sorting pieces being further complicated by having to sort logistics, trying to combine schools in the same trips, trying to balance university work whilst not getting caught out on missing too many lectures. My last recall audition was two and a half weeks before my dissertation deadline and boy was that a toughie! Also please note, my thesis was about copyright for musical theatre productions - I don’t think I could have come up with a more dramatic title if I tried. Following a turbulent few months and a full-blown juggling act, I auditioned for 4 drama schools and today I am very happy and humbled to say that I have been offered three unconditional places and one reserve list place. I’ll be moving to London this September and studying musical theatre at my dream school.

Whilst this is all very positive and I had a lot of reason to celebrate, my brain still didn’t give me a break - since I still had my final exams to face. I prepared to the best of my abilities however I really really really struggled with my mental health and my self-worth. The way that the law course works in Malta is that it is four years to get a Bachelor of Laws and then one year for a Masters in Advocacy or Notarial Studies. My decision meant that I would be stopping at my bachelor’s and not doing the master’s just yet; A. because I had a good opportunity ahead and B. because I had no interest in a legal career any time soon because it made me fucking miserable. I had made my bed and it was time to lie in it and I was very happy to do so, however, I was challenged by a massive wave of Imposter Syndrome. This is basically when you feel like you are a fake, inferior to those around you and constantly in fear of being caught out. This was somewhat inevitable as I was surrounded by another 150 law students who intended on pursuing their legal studies and careers. I never kept any secrets from my friends that I absolutely hated the law course and I was always very vocal about how unhappy it made me and I generally tend to use humour as a defence mechanism by joking that I was a total dimwit when it came to law - that being said I always knew I’d be damned if I didn’t finish what I started. Setting myself this difficult challenge was really testing. I knew it was making me miserable and I was dead set on doing my best, but whilst preparing for my final exams, I couldn’t help but feel like an absolute failure. I felt like a failure because I wasn’t reaching the goals I had set for myself at the beginning of my course. I was a completely different person to who I was at the start of my course and I was nothing like the fourth year students I looked up to during my first year. I remember messaging one of my best friends two days before our worst final exam and sobbing my little heart out because I was really feeling like a complete fraud and a joke who would have been a failure as a lawyer and just jumped ship.

My final exams came and went, as all things in life do. I made it out, somewhat sane and I recently got my final results and I will be graduating this December. Mid-way through my exams I discovered your podcast and it was really the kind of dialogue I needed to hear. To be hearing about an actor’s struggles, to know and believe that we are strong people who deal with so much. I needed it so much, because no one else around me was openly having those conversations. On the positive side, I really learnt a lot about mental health and your podcast has really empowered me and given me so much knowledge and awareness.

You’re probably wondering why I’ve gone on with this mini-life story. First of all, it’s thanks to your podcast that I’ve been able to become more self-aware of the actor’s life. Secondly, it’s because I had never been exposed to the actor-academic dialogue and nothing could have prepared me for what I was going to experience. I’m writing to you on the off-chance that you might be able to eloquently speak about this struggle on your podcast, out of hope that this small and unimportant story helps someone who is experiencing this complicated personal conflict. Stepping away from stability and academics is never easy, however I really hope to be able to find happiness in my new path. I recently felt that I would always carry a bit of regret with me and some feeling of failure, however I have actually been able to slowly accept and to understand that I’ve done a pretty badass thing for myself, and it’s partly thanks to you lovely ladies.

Thank you so much for helping me find my self-worth, I hope to learn to harness that self-love a lot more and to pass on what I’ve learnt to others who share the same struggles. I hope my lengthy ramble makes some kind of sense and that it puts a smile on your faces, because you’re doing a really good thing for all of us. Bless you both.

Love,

Yandrick

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Yandrick originally sent this letter in July 2019 and has since graduated from university and is 9 weeks into his drama school training. He wants to help others who may be balancing university and musical theatre by sharing his story! Follow him on twitter @YandrickAgius.

The Honest Six Stages of the Self-Tape

By Lauren Clancey

The self-tape. It seems simple enough. Stick a camera up, do a take, send it to your agent - Bobs your Uncle. All done. Nice.
Anyone who has ever made a self-tape knows it’s not always that easy. These are the honest six stages of the self-tape.

The Email
You’re midway through your day-job shift. There’s been a couple of grumbly customers here and there. Maybe you’ve been so busy you haven’t had your tea yet. Anyway, you’re just about to have you well-earned lunch. DING. You look at your phone. It’s a self-tape request. Right. Okay. All stations GO. It’s time to make your arrangements. Gotta cancel those drinks this evening. You’re probably going to kindly ask your mum/partner/housemate if they would mind reading with you...

The Last-Minute Line Learn
Sometimes you will get a self-tape request with a few days to prep. Great! It can still be hard fitting it in amongst all your other commitments, but you’ve got this! If you don’t get a few days and the deadline is this evening...then the next few hours are going to be interesting. Cue learning lines on a packed tube or stealing glances at your sides in-between serving coffee.

The Set Up

So you’ve rushed home, dumped your bags and ran to your room. Operation Turn This Tiny Space Into A Film Studio commences. Now, this is where things can get interesting. If you have a complete set of fully functioning equipment - yay! This makes this bit a lot easier. If not, it’s time to use your imagination, folks. All manner of household equipment will be used as tripods, backdrops, props - you name it. I have been known to cut open an entire duvet cover to make it double in length. I then ironed said cover on a very small ironing board. All for the sake of a backdrop. Let me tell you, people, do not do this at home. It takes roughly a million years.

The Takes

You’re in the throes of filming. You watch yourself over and over again. Your face begins to lose meaning. Who am I? Why does my mouth do that? What am I saying? Maybe I could just start all over again? OK. And STOP. Just stop. Don’t go down this path. You don’t need to micromanage your eyebrows. You’re doing fine. After all that, you’re probably going to go with the first take anyway...

The Editing

This is about the time the app you’ve been using soundlessly for the past few months decides to crash. Or, you have no storage left on your device. So it’s time to furiously delete multiple photos that you’ve left to mount up. You send the tape over via WeTransfer only for your agent to say it has no sound. ‘How? HOW!?’, you say. And...breathe.

The Finale

Everything has been sent over to your agent. They’re happy, you’re happy. You made it through another self-tape saga alive. Congratulations! A cup of tea or glass of wine is strongly recommended to celebrate. Whatever you do at this point do not re-watch your tape. You might notice you accidentally left the ironing board in shot...

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Lauren Clancey is an actor and writer. She can often be found hiding behind a book on busy tubes. Her Twitter handle is @LaurenClancey

Self-Representation - Making the most of your freedom

By Luke MacLeod

You've just graduated, or you've just made a return to acting. Or you've left your agent for one of various reasons. Either way, in all of these circumstances, you've ended up self-representing, at least for a while. So, how to make the most of this situation, even if it's not a situation you intend to stay in forever? It's a difficult conundrum because there isn't anyone else fighting battles for you, and it's quite likely you won't have the same resources available as an agent would have. Here's a few things that helped me when I self-represented for a while; as always, this is one person's experience, so absorb a variance of opinions and ideas before deciding on information that will truly help you as the individual.

Frame self-representation positively.

This is possibly the most important point of all, so let's start with why it can be a transformative experience in your acting career. Self-representation can often feel lonely and negative ("No one wants me! What have I done wrong so far?" Etc), but the first thing to acknowledge is that this career path does not have to be a race. It takes the time it takes, and putting pressure on yourself to rush into 2% success won't help. Self-representation was the biggest learning curve in my career to giving myself the best chance in every situation.

Embrace the freedom of choice.

You can literally choose what you apply for! You don't have to go up for that commercial, or that Rattigan play, or that corporate job. You get to choose, so find the projects that interest you the most and use your time to prioritise them instead.

Use your regionality to your advantage.

This applies to everyone, including London folks. We all come from somewhere, and more often than not that area will have a local producing theatre; these theatres often want to hire locals, to put back into their own community. So you grew up in the Hammersmith area? Write to the Lyric. You grew up in Sheffield? Write to the Crucible. It will always be worth your time, because as a local to the area you can tell the local stories better than any other actor; artistic directors are more often than not good at recognising that very fact.

Create your own database.

This is something that can be useful for every actor, but it does require a fair amount of time commitment. Keep track of who you've met for what project and when, write down projects/theatres/companies they're attached to, and so on. Writing out such information gets it out of your head and onto a page that can be called upon more reliably than your own memory.

Think like an agent.

Why are you the most suitable actor for the given role? What skillsets do you have that make you stand out? Do you look accurately represented in your headshots at the moment (be blunt with yourself)? Does your CV/showreel tailor towards the roles and jobs you want to push for? What can you do in the immediate to aid that? These are all questions you need to ask before you send that email pushing yourself for any given job, as this is what an agent will be doing in their Covent Garden office.

Take the position of the casting director/production company.

When they see your CV and decide to bring you in, is your CV bulletproof? Can you genuinely do every accent you say you can, perform every skill, back up every credit... It's a lot to ask but in the position of the self-represented actor, no one will ask these questions for you. If you feel shaky about anything on your CV, it's safer to get rid of it for now.

Find other self-represented actors and create a community.

This industry can feel lonely at the best of times. Whether it be through your 'resting job', attending classes or hanging around in bars, find other actors in your position who are just as driven as you, and sometimes magic can happen. Some of the best ideas are borne out of these new friendships, and even if you're not necessarily driven to become writers or producers between you, an outside eye to help with a self tape, run a new showreel scene with or even just grab for a hot chocolate and a hug can be eminently helpful and a shield against some of the more negative feelings that actors often are subjected to.

Social media can be useful, but be careful!

I'm not sure if it's a growing trend, but it certainly seems that more and more casting calls are channelled through the likes of Twitter than ever before. I know I have got a number of auditions through the information from people I've followed. In my experience, I rarely post, but I use social media to follow up with the up-and-comers; the fledgling writers and directors, the green producers and the folks who are determined to make new and exciting work. There's also a plethora of information spewed out by people on a variety of subjects that you'd otherwise have to pay a lot of money for, and these are the real hidden pearls (just yesterday a very respected vocal coach made a whole thread on what to do if you're certain you have a vocal injury). The flipside is that you will also see all the cast announcements that you aren't part of, stories of industry exploitation and general nastiness that can be seen through the disassociative behaviour that social media can feed. If you catch yourself finding more despair from logging in than informative potential, log out and delete the app.

Protect your mental health.

I cannot emphasise this enough as my final point. I'm not qualified to give advice on this front but if you've listened to various episodes of the podcast you should already be pretty clued up on steps you can take to keep yourself working in a healthy manner.

The above words aren't gospel, and have probably been heard in a million ways before by most working actors. But sometimes, being self-represented means you can need reassurance you're doing the right things. Trust me, most of you will be. Keep happy, keep healthy and eat that extra slice of cake (I wrote this in a cafe with a gateau in my eyeline, so that's what I'll now be doing).

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Luke is an actor from the Midlands who often gets told he's too Southern to be from the North, and too Northern to be from the South, and then gets looks of disdain when he says he's somewhere in the middle. Make of that what you will. He rarely tweets, more often retweets, but can be found on Twitter at @LukeMacLeod94. 

Man! I feel like a woman.

By Ollie Kaiper-Leach

On a recent episode of The 98% (S2E8) about sexuality and masculinity Alexa and Katie and their guest Tom kept coming back to this strange idea in our industry that male performers should be ‘strong’ as though that somehow equates to ‘manliness’. In musical theatre, the trope of a ‘convincing leading man’ is so prevalent that the level of our ‘manliness’ directly influences our employability as young men. The effect this has on our mental health is not only huge, but mostly unspoken, which is worrying in an industry which is supposed provide a ‘safe space’ for flexible definitions of gender.

Towards the end of last summer, I managed to bag myself a ticket to one of the most hotly anticipated West End transfers of a musical that year. For lots of reasons, it was a fantastic show, not least owing to a cast so lacking in a weak link that Anne Robinson would surely have had a nervous breakdown. But as the curtain went down and I mulled over the details of what I had just seen, I realised something: the two biggest supporting male roles spent the majority of the time in just their underwear – and what’s more, they were both JACKED. Now to be clear, these two actors were both very talented, with cracking singing voices, immaculate dancing and convincing, funny character choices. But the distinct lack of time they spent clothed made me wonder how important the physical condition of the actors was in the casting process. Even if it was a happy accident, surely now any future casting would be influenced, and the roles defined in part by their bodies.

This show has been a key player in an ongoing discussion regarding body image for women, challenging the physical stereotypes associated with leading ladies in musical theatre, and rightly so. It is refreshing to know that a West-End leading lady can be cast according to her talent alone, and even more so to know that different body-types are beginning to be represented on stage. The good this will do for countless young girls who idolise West End stars is infinite. Which is why it strikes me as so odd that in the same show there can be such disregard for the same issues surrounding men. Not only do these two male roles, now defined by a stratospheric bar of physical appearance, perpetuate an unrealistic ideal to other male performers in the industry, but the two actors themselves must surely have felt an incredible amount of pressure to maintain their physical condition for fear of losing their jobs. One of these actors is also known for another role whose physique was his only attribute. If he is being typecast, surely then the importance of his physical upkeep has even greater implications for his career.

As musical theatre performers, we do have a professional responsibility to keep fit, perhaps more so than actors outside of musical theatre. Because of that, ‘strong’ has become synonymous with ‘employable’, and the sense of competition associated with fitness and physique results in an overwhelming fear of judgement regarding our diets and gym routines. But I think there’s an important distinction to draw between ‘physique’ and ‘fitness’: most people seem to forget that, to quote Ross and Chandler from Friends, having ‘a washboard stomach and rock-hard pecs’ is not necessarily a signifier of peak physical fitness, nor does ‘a flabby gut and saggy man-breasts’ prove the reverse.

When I was training at drama school, there was a huge emphasis put on celebrating the individual and knowing yourself well-enough to see your personal progress as a greater achievement than competitive success – and this is a hugely important mentality to hold onto when stepping out into the world and finding where you fit within the industry. But within musical theatre there is the issue that the majority of leading male roles fit a very similar template, one which adheres to a dated and narrow definition of masculinity. Tom Ramsay spoke about emotionality and gender roles, and how this allows greater diversity in female characters than in male characters. Is it any wonder then that male performers are so prone to identity issues surrounding what it means to be ‘manly’, and therefore how we fit into the industry?

This topic of ‘masculinity’ is one which is, thankfully, being talked about more now than ever before. Celebrities across the board have come forward, talking about their own struggles and vulnerabilities, and encouraging men to be open with each other, embracing a sensitivity which is human nature, instead of feeling obliged to suppress it. This applies to the physical too, encouraging a shift in fashion and style, in self-care and in body-image.

In this way, actors, as people who are trained to be sensitive and emotionally available, have been leading the way in the shifting definitions of masculinity for years. But it’s no secret that hypersensitivity also leaves us open to vulnerability, especially where social standards are concerned. When these vulnerabilities are in turn exacerbated by the templates of our industry, which is already so inherently public, the judgement coming at us from every angle can be difficult to ignore. We as theatre-makers, both on-stage and off-, have a responsibility to lead the change we want to see in society, but as a wider industry we must lead by example. Sadly, the power to do so often lies much higher up than us mere 98%. But for the meantime, to every male performer out there: it’s okay to be sensitive, and it’s okay to show it; it’s okay not to be the next Khal Drogo or James Bond, and it’s okay to cry at the end of Titanic. There’s a reason that the word for the best kind of man is a ‘gentleman’.

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Ollie Kaiper-Leach is an actor, musical director and composer from Yorkshire. When not playing piano to his wall pretending he is Tim Minchin or laughing far too enthusiastically at his own jokes, he can be found drowning in tea or wishing he could grow a better beard. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @Ollie_KLMusic.

In Support of Actors These Days: An Anonymous Response

Disclaimer: In this blog I will be discussing the recent remarks made by casting directors on social media concerning actors’ attitude and availability. I would encourage every actor to communicate with their agent about their work situation/living arrangement/availability. If casting directors are experiencing a back-and-forth with agents because actors have not kept them updated, then I can understand their frustration. This article is NOT about those situations. It is about the suggestion made in recent public posts that actors should not live a life outside of acting.

I have had a busy #actorslife this week. (hoobloodyray) I’ll give you a little insight:
On Monday I was wondering through St. James’ Park in the glorious sunshine with a couple of hours to kill before going to the theatre. My phone goes: it’s an audition for the following afternoon. I locked myself in the nearest Waterstones, took hundreds of photos of the Arden Shakespeare (sorry, Waterstones) and spent two hours learning lines out loud in a public cafe. Classic. On Thursday morning I had an audition. At 4pm, my agent called and asked if I could go back to read for another character before 6pm. Luckily I wasn’t at work; I was with a friend. So I left early, travelled across town, and got back into that audition room.

Let me say this - I am not complaining. Not at all. To be honest it’s mostly really exciting. I am just giving you a flavour of the types of situations that arise for actors every single day, and the ways in which we make things work to get in that audition room. In my experience, most actors would have done exactly the same. So when I saw the latest of a string of posts calling out actors for their ‘filthy attitudes’ and arguably suggesting that we are all lazy, arrogant, and selfish, I was a bit confused…I don’t know any actors that have that attitude. Do you?

Ok, I’m sure there are people in our industry who don’t take it as seriously as they should. But 99% of actors I know would miss their own bloody wedding for an audition. Actors frequently put their personal life to one side for the sake of their careers, and sometimes, this can be damaging. Sometimes, an actor’s work-life balance is so warped that they put their physical and mental health at risk. It is every actor’s right to be a person first and an actor second, and yet it is so hard not to give into pressure and let acting consume you. Sometimes we feel guilty for living a life outside the audition room, and that way of thinking is dangerous to our health and detrimental to our craft.

So this recent post really concerns me. I’m worried that it encourages this damaging way of thinking. I’m worried about the powerful effect it could have on actors. And in particular, I’m worried about the message it sends to those just starting out in our industry. In fact, I was prompted to write this response after receiving a private message from a third year drama school student. He had seen this particular post on Facebook after it was shared by one of his tutors - not in criticism, but in support of the views expressed. I was horrified that he had seen these views endorsed by a tutor. I was horrified that other young actors might read it and believe every word. So this article is for all of us, but especially for you.

This post paints an unrealistic picture of the average actor, and plays into our anxieties and our sense of powerlessness. The message it sends to young actors is this: YOU ARE LUCKY TO BE HERE. PIPE DOWN. Leave your kids at school; cancel your holiday; risk losing your day job. If you’re not prepared to do that, you don’t want it enough. If this is too much for you, you’re not welcome in our industry. I went through the drama school system, and in my experience most graduates are eager, a bit terrified, and prepared to do anything for their career. This post sends them further down that rabbit hole of fear, subservience, obsessive behavior and lack of self-care. This post also paints an unrealistic picture of the average casting director. I can’t recall meeting a casting director who wasn’t polite, professional and respectful. In many cases, casting directors have been so lovely and so welcoming that I’ve felt at ease in the audition room. And that brings out the best in everyone. Casting directors are not our enemies, and yet these posts suggest that they are. I would hate young actors to read these posts and think of casting directors as people to be feared.

This post was right about one thing - our industry is changing. It is changing all the time, and I think is changing for the better. Actors are using social media to call out dodgy castings, to connect with others in the industry, and to talk about mental health. Equity are improving our safety, pay and working conditions every day. It’s slow but it’s happening. Perhaps the hierarchal system which, for years, has prevented those at the bottom of the chain from speaking out and politely demanding their rights is starting to break down. And that’s amazing. Imagine what this could do for our industry:

Let’s communicate more. Let’s sit down and talk. If there’s something actors can do to help casting directors do their jobs, let’s talk about it, not rant about it on social media. We could work together to improve the situation for everyone, and this would, in turn, improve the quality of our art. It is collaboration, not fear and dictation, that makes this industry exciting. So, to all the fresher-faced, younger actors out there, I implore you to ignore that post. Ignore it. Ignore others like it. Just update your agent about your availability and all will be well.

You are a person first and an actor second. I promise you that living your life will make you better actor and a happier person. And don’t forget that this post is one voice: There are some truly wonderful people in our industry and for all our sake’s you mustn’t be afraid of them. Take care, take a holiday, please pick your kids up from school, and go have fun out there.